I drew something in school that made people freak out.

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

But I bet I could make a mint selling ice cream.

Two farm hands were working on a big farm in Australia. They were very good workers, but typical young guys and very horny. The farm owner's daughter was also a bit randy but word on the farm that she was "off limits" and the owner had a nasty streak when it came to anyone who crossed him. One hot night the farm hands got to drinking and had quite a lot of beer. The farm owner's daughter, seeing her chance, sneaks out to their cabin and has her merry way with both farm hands. The next morning the farm hands are woken abruptly by the farm owner. He's shaking them and shouting about how they've defiled his daughter and they were going to pay! Both lads, hung over and scared shitless, are trudged out by the farm owner into the yard. The farm owner tells them they'll be punished. The lads are really panicking now, and the owner says "You're both good workers. But you've broken my number one rule. So both of you go out to different parts of the farm and pick 100 pieces of fruit. Bring them back to me when you're done." The first farm hand is a bit of a sneaky bugger, so he goes to the nearby grape vines and picks 100 grapes. Puts them in a big bucket and scampers back to the farm owner, hopeful that being fast would help him get off a bit lighter. The farm owner, clearly still furious, tells the farm hand "Right. Stick each of those 100 grapes up your arse. Do that and you're off the hook". The farm hand, shocked but still scared of the owner, drops his trousers and starts cramming grapes up his butt. He gets to nearly 90 grapes when he starts laughing and can't control himself. He's crying from laughter and continues to laugh so hard the grapes all fall out of his arse in a steaming pile of shit and grapes on the floor. The farm owner, who'd been watching angrily, really lets fly. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You were nearly done! Is this funny mate? What the fuck are you laughing for?" The farm hand, wiping tears from his eyes and staring at the mound of grapes on the floor, finally gets control of himself. He looks up at the farm owner and says "Sorry. I couldn't help it, I really couldn't. Half way through putting those grapes up my bum I remembered that my mate is out there picking 100 pineapples!"

Killing 2 stoners with 1 bird.

Great food, but no atmosphere.

He couldn’t stay on track. It derailed his whole career. Sometimes, he still rides old trains when he needs to blow off some steam.

I said, “Hopefully still under warranty.”

has been flushed down the toilet.

Neign

Because they're Ex-LAX